ON BECOMING

January 9, 2018

Last night my wife and I hosted twenty or so Southern Virginia University basketball players, their wives, and coaches for dinner in our home.  Afterwards I led a discussion on the relevant New Year topic of “becoming.”  I started by asking everyone to turn to the person next to them and complete this sentence:  “In 2018 I want to become _______.”  Two minutes later I invited those who wished to share with the group what they would like to become during the course of this year:  “I want to become more positive!”  “I want to become more disciplined!”  “I want to become a morning person!”  “I want to become a better disciple!”  “I want to become more organized!”  “I want to become a diligent student!” “I want to become more physically and spiritually fit!”  And so it went.

All of the expressed desires “to become” struck me as wholesome, worthwhile, uplifting resolutions.  Of course the challenge consists in turning those good desires “to become” into a reality.  So I posed my next question:  “How does one become something that one is not?”  In other words, how does one acquire a trait or a skill that one does not already possess?  One of the more mature individuals in the group—in fact, one of the coaches—replied:  “Act as if you already have that attribute and eventually you will gain it.”  For example, if you wish to become more charitable, engage in acts of charity or acts of service towards others, and in time you will attain the attribute of charity; acting charitably will come naturally to you.  Another replied, “well, you have to think often about what it is you wish to become and then act consistently in ways that lead you to become that for which you are aiming.”  If you want to become better at shooting free throws, then you must practice, practice, and practice some more.

One basketball player who enjoys the university’s highest academic scholarship offered, “To become something, one has to set SMART goals and then follow through on them.”  (SMART is the acronym for goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound.)  He then cited his desire to follow his father’s footsteps and become a medical doctor.  To achieve this long-term goal, he has set specific short-term goals.  This past summer, for example, he shadowed a doctor and also gained his nurse practitioner’s certificate; this semester he is taking organic chemistry and preparing for the MCAT exam.  Step by step, he is working steadily towards becoming what he desires to become.

I then shared some thoughts from Matthews L. Sanders’ insightful book Becoming a Learner (© 2012), including these lines:  “Who you become as a result of your education is the culmination of your everyday actions and efforts.  Over time, as you participate in a variety of activities and take an assortment of courses, you change and grow.  You become a different person.  It is the steadiness of your work ethic, your daily diligence in doing what is expected of you, the manner in which you handle yourself in social situations, the extent to which you think carefully and critically, and your ability to learn new and challenging ideas that will determine who you become” (pp. 7-8, emphasis mine).

What amazed some who were present was Dr. Sanders’ subsequent declaration that “there is no guarantee that you’ll become a learner just by getting a college degree.”  He even affirms, “You can go through college and graduate and actually become worse in terms of your character, intelligence, and personal capacity” (p. 8).  I queried, “How can that be?  How can someone go through four years of college and not become a learner or, even sadder, develop less character, intelligence or capacity?”  The responses came quickly:  “You can just do the bare minimum.”  “You can copy the work of others or find some other way to cheat.”  “You can view the graduation requirements as a mere checklist of things to check off and forget about.”

These answers mirrored Dr. Sanders’ own thoughts:  “Just getting by, working the system, cramming, cheating, procrastinating, avoiding responsibility, making excuses, and doing the least amount of work possible will, over time, result in your becoming lazy, unethical, unable to clearly reason through difficult problems, and unprepared to be excellent at whatever you do” (ibid.).  The thought that a college student could retrogress while taking courses stunned some.

The answer to “how do I become a learner or _____?” is a summation of everything stated above:  “consistently striving for excellence, working to your potential, steadily completing your assignments, working hard, meeting challenges, being prepared, and overcoming mistakes and failures will result in your becoming the kind of person who has the ability to excel in any environment.  When your focus is on who you are becoming, you will recognize that [now] is a time of preparation.  How you take advantage of your time and opportunities determines the kind of person you become” (ibid.).  I challenged everyone to go home and write down what they wish to become, set SMART goals, share those goals with a roommate or spouse, and then keep them in mind and work on them daily.

To inspire the players, I shared a goal that I set after I gained my Ph.D. at age 26 and began teaching college.  It was to become financially independent within ten years (by age 35).  (My starting salary as an assistant professor, by the way, was only $15,500/year.)  By financially independent I meant to have no debt, to own my home and car(s) free and clear.  It meant paying cash for the first car we bought, which was probably less expensive than anyone else’s in the neighborhood.  It meant buying a house with a one-car garage and a low monthly mortgage payment of $176.81. It meant carefully budgeting every dollar we earned.  I knew we could do it because my wife and I had set similarly lofty goals throughout our marriage.  I had graduated debt free from college in three years with a double major and a formal minor because I planned my semesters and my summers with great care.  (My junior year I took 23 credits in the fall semester and 26 in the spring; those semesters were largely planned in 30-minute blocks of time.)  One result of the financial independence I achieved early in my career was my ability to accept a call to serve at age 45 as a full-time mission president without salary for three years.

What was more important relative to my discussion with the basketball players was that we concluded our discussion with a reflection on why it is crucial to become better spiritually.  I referenced a talk given by Dallin H. Oaks entitled “The Challenge to Become.”  (It is available on YouTube.”)  In that discourse the former president of Brigham Young University, where I first knew him, states the following:  “In contrast to the institutions of the world, which teach us to know something, the gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to become something.” “The gospel challenges us to be ‘converted,’ which requires us to do and to become.” He concludes:   “We do not obtain our heavenly reward by punching a time clock. What is essential is that our labors in the workplace of the Lord have caused us to become something. For some of us, this requires a longer time than for others. What is important in the end is what we have become by our labors.”

The conclusion I have drawn from last night’s discussion and a lifetime of setting specific goals is that “becoming” is the reason for our time on earth.  We began as embryos and became living infants; we grew through childhood and adolescence to become adults.  But we are not supposed to stop becoming just because we have reached adulthood.  The journey of life continues, and we are expected to progress.  We don’t just need to set SMART goals and follow through on them; we need to keep foremost in our minds the desire to become something better than we currently are.  To accomplish that requires consistent and steady completion of tasks, hard work, learning from mistakes, and going forward with faith that we can change, improve, and ameliorate our human condition.

My goal in 2018 is to become better than I am now by focusing on helping others realize their goals and aspirations, by becoming more altruistic through service to others in terms of their needs.  Today’s blog is my first step in achieving that goal.